Hello. Here at Fifth Fuller Management Consultants, we recognize that sometimes executives have to make difficult decisions. Your former Up-and-Coming head coach is now Down and Out, having now lost to Liberty, gotten blown out by Pitt and is staring at a potential 5-game skid to end the season and, likely, their tenure. To further complicate matters, you may be bound by contractual restrictions that make the decision you have likely already made prohibitively expensive. At FFMC, when we're not winning Super Bowls and making life miserable for your receivers, we're here to help YOU.
In these uncertain times...
with tight budgets stretched thin by lack of fan attendance, driving the few remaining fans overboard by clinging to the deck of a sinking ship is the worst action. But how can you fire a lame duck coach with a massive buyout? That's where we come in. FFMC has a long history of helping identify creative management solutions to overcome termination obstacles. Let's explore a few options to move your coach out of his current position without outright firing him and incurring the buyout before it decreases on December 16th.
1. Management Restructuring
Coach, I've got a great opportunity for you to progress in your career. Not many Head Coaches have the chance to step into a new role like this; Director of Head Coach Operations. What we'd like to do is put you into a position where you would have as many as four people working right underneath you.
This would provide the program an opportunity to bring in some young talent to, let's say, redefine some of the ways we do business in, let's say, the Head Coach and Offensive Coordinator roles. These folks would be reporting directly to YOU. Well, on the organizational chart, at least. We'd like to give them some freedom to find what they want in the role for themselves, though, so we'd ask that you refrain from communicating with them completely until their adjustment period is complete, sometime around mid-December. In the meantime, you can take the opportunity to observe the program from afar and see if it helps you identify any systemic changes that need to be made in how you operate as a head coach here. Or heck, anywhere!
2. A View Towards International Markets
Virginia Tech is really looking to expand its footprint across the world and attract a more global student body. To that end, we're transitioning to a more international language to connect with these potential students more effectively. Simple things, like calling ham "Canadian Bacon", spelling it C-O-L-O-U-R, and using the metric system. Oh, and football means soccer now.
To that end, your duties will shift slightly as you will continue to be Head Coach of the football team, just the *new* football team, where EVERYONE kicks the ball, not just the skinniest guy and the Australian guy. Oh, and we're following the European model of management, so while you will be Head Coach, Mike Brizendine will be the Manager who will actually make all the decisions, like recruiting, lineups, tactics, etc, and you will support him in an advisory capacity. Goodness knows we don't want that team to lose to Liberty as well.
3. Tiger Team Opportunity
We've recently identified a recurring issue in our performance metrics. It turns out that our football team is actually terrible on 3rd and 4th down, and we have yet to pinpoint the exact root cause of the issue. This is a highly visible issue that has a significant impact on our bottom line (that is, winning football games), and we need to put a major focus on resolving this. With your extensive offensive expertise, I'd like to think there is no better man for the job than yourself, Coach. I'm temporarily detailing you to lead a Tiger Team that is focused on analyzing the issue, identifying root cause or causes, compiling a detailed report and briefing me on the results next month. Until then, this supersedes all of your other duties, which I will take responsibility for identifying a replacement to carry them out in the interim. Let's go ahead and schedule that out brief for ... let's say, December 16. And hey, maybe working on a "Tiger" team will have you missing your old team in Memphis, which is completely understandable if you want to go back there, seriously, just let me know, I'll make some calls.
4. Athletic Department Opportunity
Coach, when I first hired you, I knew Head Coach was only a stepping stone on your path to greatness. Honestly, I think you have the makings of an Athletic Director, where not only are you responsible for one program, but ALL sports operations. Can you imagine the challenge? Truly, only someone of your stature could handle it. I've got great news for you as well; there is currently a vacancy here in the Athletic Director's Office that I feel you are the best candidate for, and I'd like to move you there immediately. This will give you an opportunity to get some hands-on experience so you'll be ready to take the reigns once one of those big name programs comes calling. The sky's the limit, really. I can see Texas cough State, or maybe Alabama cough Birmingham, possibly even Notre Dame cough Academy. So, I'll go ahead and sign the paperwork, and you'll be moved immediately. Big responsibilities on your plate, like management of Breakfast Beverage Logistics. Your new title will be Assistant Athletic Director. Sorry, Assistant TO the Athletic Director.
5. A New and Potentially Fertile Recruiting Ground
Coach, one of the things you've helped develop are rock solid recruiting pipelines from across the country directly into Blacksburg. Well, I've recently heard tell of some untapped talent in some unconventional places. We'd really like to leverage your expertise and ability to connect with these young athletes. The best thing is, these prospects aren't rated by any recruiting service, so they aren't the five-star players you told me you're not comfortable bringing into the program, they're no-star players. Should be right up your alley! We've got a few athletes identified in Kolyma, extreme eastern Siberia, who have a family history of really hard labor, which I think fits with your Hard, Smart, Tough mantra. We went ahead and bought your plane ticket, you leave tomorrow; it's just unfortunate that you won't have cell reception there, so I look forward to catching up with you and hearing about all your amazing recruits once you get back! We'll mail you your return ticket, which should arrive in ... mid-December.
Director Babcock, these are just some of the options you have to effect change in your football program. We'd be happy to provide you additional feedback, refine these ideas, come up with new ones or assist you in implementation and execution. Think of us as the ladder to get you out of this hole you find yourself in right now.
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