An ACC Halloween

Ryan and I started talking about Halloween, candy, and the ACC at midnight. Bad things happened and they follow.

Once in a while, Tom O'Brien enjoys a caramel cube. The bland taste reminds him of American values. And there's just enough sugar to necessitate the need for an evening jog (running is showing off), but not enough to consider him "high" on anything. He hands out dental floss.

Wake Forest gets a ten-dollar bill, because, "Take it, get the hell off my porch, and I don't ever wanna see you around here again."

Much like FSU, pumpkin flavor is back in September–October. Everybody raves how it's in everything they're eating and drinking, but by November no one gives a shit and they just want it out of their life.

Randy Edsall seems like the kind of asshole who turns his porch light off and doesn't give out candy, so Maryland gets egged. They try to return fire, but don't have a quarterback to do so.

Virginia Tech is best represented by a Krackel Bar. Each season it looks promising on the outside, but once you bite in, there's no substance.

Beamer forces O'Cain and Stinespring try to trick-or-treat in a two-man horse costume, but they can't get out of the door. He encourages them, "You're just a couple of steps away".

Miami's excited when they get a quarter because they don't have any money. :( HAHAHA, NO, NO JUST KIDDING MIAMI DOESN'T TRICK-OR-TREAT BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE FANS AND THEIR STADIUM ISN'T LOUD.

There's always that jerk kid in the neighborhood that doesn't respect the "Please Take One" sign next to an unguarded bowl of candy. He's the same kid that copied his buddy's homework so he could go out in the first place. Anyway, that candy is the cream of the crop because the people who leave it there are successful and too busy with work to deal with the hassle. He just takes the bowl off the porch, dumps it in his bag, and doesn't think twice. Eventually though, word spreads back to his parents, and he can't go out for Halloween next year.

Virginia got a rock.

It too will get a chance in spring to earn the starting quarterback job.

Randy Edsall's dream candy is a Mr. Goodbar. (Not really)

Georgia Tech's offense is like a candy apple, really popular back in the day, but now is just annoying to deal with.

FSU and SweeTarts are both horribly overrated.

Duke is a leftover Cadbury Egg from Easter, because March/April is the only time they're good, or relevant.

12:04 AM Joe: Boston College is whatever the perceived least respected candy that is actually the shittiest.
12:05 AM Ryan: Tootsie Rolls?
12:07 AM Joe: Boom.

Florida State's also candy corn, because everyone hates candy corn.

Clemson gets some Pop Rocks...

They're the best when mixed with Coke.

And finally, we all know Heather Dinich's favorite candy.