The Key Players Week 2 Fantasy Recap

I decided to run a weekly GIF-heavy recap for the dynasty league that I'm the commissioner for. Since it's mostly an NFL recap and just a little bit about the actual league, it dawned on me - I bet some TKPers might like it too. Since I'm in a league of TKP folks, I figured this could be an appropriate place to add in my weekly jabs, jeers and GIFs. For the sake of decimals being hard, I'll generally use rounding in the recaps. Week 1's can be found here.

All GIF's came from either Deadspin or Bleacher Report. Finally, Bleacher Report is good for something!

WEEK 2 STANDINGS

Treadmill Horses 141, fry-fry chicky-chick 138
Poor Danibails. She's second in the league in points and is 0-2. In the best matchup of the week, the Treadmill horses got a 22 point game from Seattle on Sunday Night Football to take the lead for good. Good performances were also had by Michael Vick (39 points), Dez Bryant (21), Jordy Nelson (18.5), Jamaal Charles (16) and Randall Cobb (19). The scary thing is that Eddie Lacy, Jared Cook and David Akers combined for 5 points; this could have been worse. If Eddie Lacy misses significant time, the Treadmill Horses may get into trouble, as he's a starter for them and Danny Woodhead and Issac Redman are the only backups on the squad. Dani got nice weeks out of Andrew Luck (26), Pierre Garcon (21), Shady McCoy (18) and DeSean Jackson (28) and saw all but 3 of her starters put up double digits, but apparently the gods of fantasy football think it's fun to mess with her.

Hernandez's Legal D 127.5, Imagine Wagons 121
This matchup came down to a start/sit for each team (or at least each would have been a tough decision for me). It was ballsy to start Knowshon Moreno over Darren Sproles, but damn, that's what won the matchup. On the other hand, it was impossible not to start Anquan Boldin after terrorizing the world of dairy in week 1, but the benched Mike Wallace's 17.5 points would have gotten the Imagine Wagons the win. Hernandez's Legal D saw double digit points from every starter minus the kinda-hurt Larry Fitzgerald and the kicker-so-who-gives-a-fuck-about-him Steven Gostowski. Moreno led the way with 23 points, followed by 15+ out of Tony Romo, Brandon Marshall, Arian Foster and Denver's D. The Imagine Wagons were down just about 7 points going into SNF with Anquan Boldin in the lineup, but he did pretty much the exact opposite of what he did in week 1 vs Green Bay, catching just one pass for 7 yards. A great performance was had by Aaron Rodgers (43.5), and Matt Forte, Lamar Miller, Sebastian Janikowski and New England's D all pitched in with 13.5 or more points each.

Denver's Nuggets 119.5, #OperationImpatience 75
This matchup was actually a lot closer than it looked (okay, maybe a little bit of a push there); Denver's Nuggets were up 18 going into SNF with Marshawn Lynch left and with Frank Gore there for #OperationImpatience. Beau got 30+ points out of Lynch (31.5) and hewhoshallnotbenamedbutisaformerbciggle (31), making up for awful weeks out of Jason Witten, Montee Ball and St. Louis D, who combined to score 5.5 points. #OperationImpatience had a bunch of dud performances this week, with Antonio Brown, MJD, Frank Gore, Kellen Winslow, Steve Smith and Pittsburgh D all putting up 6 or fewer points. Tom Brady had an un-Tom Brady week, scoring just 16, leaving Calvin Johnson (25.5) and Dan Bailey (14) to try and carry the team.

Money Badger 112, JONESing for Austin 105
Going into Sunday night's game, JONESing for Austin led by 26.5 points with Colin Kaepernick, Giovani Bernard and Phil Dawson yet to play for Money Badger. The fact that Money Badger got the W is not a surprise, as those 3 were projected to score about 40 points combined; the surprise is that Giovani Bernard was the one that led the way out of the three, scoring 18.5 points with both a rushing and receiving TD. Other Money Badger standouts this week were Doug Martin (14.5), Jimmy Graham (26) and Ahmad Bradshaw (14.5) whereas JONESing for Austin got 10+ points out of RGIII (30.5), Julio Jones (26.5) and Julius Thomas (11) and a relatively disappointing week out of Purple Jesus (8.7). Cody's team is tough enough to compete with Jackie Battle, Michael Bush, Willis McGahee and Le'Veon Bell as his #2-5 RB's, but he'll need some more out of them (or a trade/FA pickup) to come out on top consistently.

ANUSTART 85, Centaurrian Gray 83
Bah, I really thought I had this one, with Cincy Defense and AJ Green playing, with me down 16 points. Wasn't meant to be. Both teams struggled this week, getting 21+ points out of their QB's (23 out of Stafford for me, 21.5 out of Brees for ANUSTART) and little help elsewhere. The only other 10+ performers were Dwayne Bowe (11.5), Antonio Gates (10.5) and Cincy D (10) for me and Rashard Mendenhall (15.5) and Chicago D (13) for ANUSTART. Good players struggled for each side, with AJ Green and Ray Rice scoring a combined 6.6 points for me and Vernon Davis scoring just 2 for ANUSTART. Philip Rivers was on my bench and scored 39 points. Dammit.

OrangeBarrelReroute 80, EverydayI'mRussellin 64
It was a tough week for EverydayI'mRussellin, as all 9 of their starters scored less than their Yahoo! projections (not that those are science). According to the Yahoo Recap of this game, the teams would be a combined 4-40 if they played every other team in weeks 1-2. Ouch. Scobeard got nice weeks out of Peyton Manning (27.5), Alfred Morris (12) and Matt Prater (13) and duds out of Mike Williams, David Wilson and Dwayne Allen (combined 2.6 points). Allen will be replaced by Gronk in the near future, though, so Scott really just has to hope that Wilson starts running the ball more and he'll be fine. The Russell Wilson crew only had the team's namesake (14) and CJ Spiller (14) score double digit points, as some solid players struggled (Vincent Jackson, Reggie Wayne and Steven Jackson all scored 7.7 or fewer). Brent Celek was shut out, which didn't help the cause. EverydayI'mRussellin actually has some solid depth, with Roddy White (injured, 2 points), Daryl Richardson (8), Greg Jennings (8.5), Fred Jackson (11.5) and Bernard Pierce (11.5) on the bench, so I wouldn't expect to see them be this bad every week.

Here are your NFL Gif-caps!

Patriots 13, Jets 10
Woof, this was an ugly game to start off the week. The Pats were rolling early, scoring 10 points in the game's first 6 minutes, but abruptly stopped playing football and had 6 LESS FIRST DOWNS AND 86 LESS TOTAL YARDS THAN GENO SMITH AND THE JETS. TOM BRADY'S FACE WHEN:

D'Brickashaw Ferguson is really mad about VT's upcoming decade of dominance over UVA and decided to take it out on a Patriot defensive lineman:

The Jets decided to have a ghost return their punts:

Falcons 31, Rams 24
This must have been a long game - the teams combined to go 65/98 passing for 709 yards and 34 carries for 105 yards on the ground. Roddy White's injury didn't slow Julio Jones down, as he exploded for 11 catches, 182 yards and a TD on 14 targets. Steven Jackson had just 3 carries for 0 yards before leaving with a thigh injury, which is surprising if you have terrible anticipation skills.

Also, ouch:

Bills 24, Panthers 23
This would have been a really fun and exciting game to watch if anybody gave a shit about the Bills or Panthers, as neither team ever lead by more than 8 points and the Bills came behind to score a game-winning TD with 2 seconds left. Or, as the Bills' twitter account thought, was a game-tying TD with 2 seconds left:

EJ Manuel has 446 yards passing, 3 TD:1 INT and a 68.2 completion percentage through his first two games. It's a bit early to look too far into this, but he certainly looks better than I expected him to.

Deadspin and Bleacher Report didn't have any gifs from this game, so I went to my third biggest gif-related read, Black Sports Online for this one:

Bears 31, Vikings 30
The Vikings found a way to score 30 points with only 1 offensive touchdown (and not even from Adrian Peterson!). They had every chance to punch it in, but settled for sub-30 yard three field goals from Blair Walsh in the last 18 minutes of the game before losing with 10 seconds left on a Martellus Bennett TD. Matt Forte had a Matt Forte day, putting up 90 yards rushing and 71 receiving (11 catches!!!) but with no TD's.

Who wants to see a ref get nailed by Jay Cutler? MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Pretty much everyone but Jay Cutler wanted to see that.

Also, when did Sam Steele Ponder's hubby turn into an immovable object?

Packers 38, Redskins 20
For the second straight week, the Skins have decided to go behind by 4 scores before realizing "oh shit, we have a game today?!?" The score looks closer than the game, as Aaron Rodgers dropped a Cleveland Steamer onto the Skins' D. Rodgers tied the franchise single game passing record (the last 18 months have just been awesome for Matt Flynn), and James Jones went 11 catches for 178 yards on 12 targets a week after having 0 catches on 2 targets.

Brandon Meriweather is on my team, but I do not like him doing this to Eddie Lacy. What do you expect out of someone from DA UUUUUUUUU, though?

Note to future Redskins opponents: all you have to do to get massive yardage against the Skins' defense is get a runner around their secondary. ARM TACKLE NATION!

But in all seriousness, a pylon could play better defense than the Skins' secondary:

Dolphins 24, Colts 20
The Dolphins are 2-0! The Dolphins are 2-0! Break up the Dolphins!! They've done so by beating 2 crappy teams (you can debate me on the Colts all day. I think they are ungood.

Anyways, back to the present. This game was a bit strange to me because each team put up a decent amount of yardage and just turned the ball over once as well, but only went for 44 points. Mike Wallace and TY Hilton each had 115+ yards, providing great value as #3 WR's and Fins FB Charles Clay had over 100 yards receiving and vultured a 1 yard TD on his only carry. The Dolphins had 0 penalties, which is weird.

Couldn't find a GIF of this game. Not complaining.

Chiefs 17, Cowgirls 16
Andy Reid is the all-time leader in victories against the Cowgirls (18), and added to that total on Sunday in another ugly game. The Cowgirls got a big game out of Dez Bryant (141 yards on 9 catches, 1 TD), but couldn't establish a run game at all (16 carries for 37 yards, 12 of which were on Lance Dunbar's fumble). The Chiefs had a nice drive to ice the game, marching 38 yards and taking up 3:34 of clock, leaving the Cowgirls just 16 seconds on the clock and the ball at their 4 yard line.

Romo's gonna Romo.

This was a really good punt:

Chargers 33, Iggles 30
The Iggles' offense looked really good again, this time advancing 511 yards on 58 plays (and using just 19:43 of game clock, yikes!). They were undone by penalties (9 for 82 yards) and their defense, as Philip Rivers lit them up for 419 yards and 3 scores, all to my boy Eddie Royal!!!

This looks like it hurt:

To make matters worse for Iggles fans, Deadspin wrote yesterday that the Iggles had a deal in place before the 2012 draft to trade their 2nd round pick for Colin Kaepernick. They pulled the deal off of the table because they were positive they were going to get Russell Wilson in the third round. And they ended up with Nick "Napoleon Dynamite" Foles instead of either. LOL.

Ravens 14, Browns 6
Remember when the Ravens won the Super Bowl last year? They looked like garbage for the second straight week. The Browns pitched a shutout for the first 40 minutes before Bernard Pierce and Marlon Brown scored TD's in the last 20. Ray Rice left the game with a strained hip flexor and lost a fumble. Brandon Wheeden got hurt for the Browns, improving their chances to win in future weeks. No GIFs could be found, so here's Vladimir Putin making balloon animals:

Texans 30, Titans 24
This game was a lot closer than expected, with Arian Foster tying it late in the 4th and DeAndre Hopkins sealing the deal in overtime with a 25 yard catch to get the ball inside the 5 and then a 3 yard TD. Jake Locker being Jake Locker found a way to turn a 2 TD 0 INT game into something that looked like crap by completing barely over 50% of his passes for just 148 yards. His counterpart Matt Schaub handled the ball poorly as well. I'm devastated that the UVA grad didn't have a great week. And holy crap, Randy Bullock missed four straight kicks thatcould have won it in regulation.

The game winning TD:

Cardinals 25, Lions 21
Calvin Johnson redeemed himself with two TD's after having two taken away from him in week 1, but it wasn't enough for the Lions to come out on top. I shudder to think what Megatron will do to the Skins' defense next week. Matt Stafford had a fairly nice day (67% completion percentage, 278 yards, 2 TD/0 INT) but the Lions had no running game (20 carries for 49 yards total). Larry Fitzgerald played through pain for just 2 catches and 33 yards on 5 targets, so Patrick Peterson stepped up, tossing a 17 yard gain and catching one as well. He does everything else, so why not?!?

Peterson's pass:

Saints 16, Buccaneers 14
The Saints are 2-0 despite looking like crap and the Bucs are 0-2 despite leading into the last minute in both of their games. Drew Brees had a pedestrian day for Drew Brees, throwing 57% for 322 yards, 1 TD and 2 INT. Jimmy Graham had a fantastic game, catching the ball 10 times for 179 yards and 1 TD on 16 targets. For the Bucs, Josh Freeman looked like a dumpster baby covered in wet shoes and armpit hair, completing just 41% of his passes for 1 TD and 1 pick. Doug Martin had a nice day with 29 carries for 144 yards but couldn't get into the end zone.

Not quite a FAT GUY TOUCHDOWN!!! but as close as we got this week:

Raiders 19, Jaguars 9
This was a game. 12 of the points were scored by Marcel Reece and Clay Harbor and the other 16 were scored by Josh Scobee and Sebastian Janikowski. Carry on, no need to waste our lives by paying more attention to this game.

Charles Woodson still has it, though:

This is how I imagine every play looked from the Jags/Raiders game:

Broncos 41, Giants 23
The Manning Bowl was a great game going into the fourth quarter, but the Broncos pulled away late with a big win for the second straight week. Little bro threw for 362 yards to big bro's 307, but also had 4 picks #CLASSICELI. Knowshon Moreno had the best fantasy day out of the non-QB's, running for 93 yards on 13 carries with 2 TD's.

Peyton is hungry for more TD's:

Brandon Jacobs exists again:

Trindon Holliday is good at running away from people in blue shirts and grey pants:

Shehawks 29, 49ers 3
This game did not live up to my expectations. I'm not surprised by the 497 combined total yards between the two teams or anything. I was just disappointed that the 49ers didn't show up to play at all. Colin Kaeperpick went 13/28 passing for 127 yards and threw 3 picks and Russell Wilson was 8/19 for 142, 1 TD and 1 INT, but hey, READ OPTION! The game was 5-0 at halftime, and Marshawn Lynch took 3 balls to the house in the second half.

Sidney Rice got the first ball-spinning penalty after killing Eric Reid in a collision:

Marshawn Lynch is wondering where everybody went:

Richard Sherman got some cheerleader lovin after picking off Colin Kaeperpick:

Richard Sherman also got him some booty lovin from Jim Harbaugh after the game. SHAWTY GOT A BIG OLE BUTT OH YEAHHHHHHHH

Bengals 20, Steelers 10
This was an important win for the Bengals, as the Steelers have a 53-33 all-time record vs Cincinnati, including a 5-1 record over the last three years. Andy Dalton didn't look great, completing 56% of his passes for 280, but didn't turn the ball over. While Benjarvus Green-Ellis carried the larger load (22 carries for 75 yards), Giovani Bernard broke out with both a rushing and receiving TD. Time will tell whether or not Bernard will take command of a larger role in the offense, but he'll certainly get more touches. From the Steelers side, there was no run game (16 carries for 44 yards) and Big Ben went 20/37 for 251 yards, 1 TD and 1 pick. It wasn't an overly exciting game, as both defenses took turns cockblocking the opposing offenses, but a big one for Cincy nonetheless.

Giovani Bernard is fast dot com:

David Paulson fumbled after a 34 yard gain:

There was an intereception in the football game:

James Harrison hologram: