2016 TKP Glossary/Quick Reference

The hope for TKP is that every year we add new users in droves. It can be hard on a newcomer to see all these comments that seemingly make no sense at all. So, two years go we made a thread to list all the inside jokes. And they're all pretty much still being made. That's fine, it's part of what makes this site worth a stern talking to by your HR manager because apparently billing your customers for "research" should not include finding just the right emma gif.¹ There have been a couple jokes introduced over the past few years that warrant inclusion and the format could be improved so I'm re-releasing this thread.

What follows is the result of countless hours of research, fact checking, and face to face surveying.² And as an amateur comedian³ once said, "If you can't be funny, at least you can reference something funny often enough and eventually people might associate it with you instead." Well I'm not linking to all of it, but just compiling it and I might even be completely plagiarizing other people in my explanations, but I'm pretty sure somewhere in the Terms of Use you agreed to when making an account, you have no rights here. Also, these explanations might not be funny to you if you're new. Give it a couple weeks on here and you'll think it's all hilarious.⁴

I hope I've covered everything but if it's not on here, feel free to add it in the comments.⁵

->DRINK! When someone double posts, he is supposed to take a drink (think drinking game). The same applies to comments in a thread.

->FAM! A celebratory statement used after a win. Fam is short for "family" and the phrase "FAM!" is short for "It's lit FAM!" or "We gonna celebrate, FAM!" or "Rhinos prefer Teddy Valentine, FAM!" or any number of phrases. Just remember it means you're celebrating with your hokie brethren.

-> Going Full Arnie. When someone decides to go on and make an insulting moral evaluation of a player, coach, celebrity, or random stranger with little to no actual information of the situation. Extra points if you preface with "Y'all downvote this, but I'm about to speak that dam (sic) truth!" Can also be used to refer to a post trying to set a new record for downvotes. Source Link.

-> Not TKPing hard enough. Usually invoked when someone asks a question that has already been answered elsewhere or double posts.

-> Welcome to TKP. Sometimes a friendly greeting to new posters. Also a way to shame veteran posters who violate unwritten TKP precepts.

-> My dad has diabetes. A standard reply when someone shares something personal with no follow up to explain relevance. Originally a response to "I was a long snapper in High School." Anytime you could use "cool story, bro" this is an acceptable alternative.

-> Bucky Hodges' Height. He never stops growing. Different sources kept reporting his height and weight differently and they happened to sort of look like he kept growing. It's been going on since.

-> Sam Rogers/Chuck Norris/Superman comparisons. These started with this picture from his HS days. He then went on to become a model of what a walk-on football player can be.

-> AJ Hughes as #PUNTERSWAG and #4thdownquarterback. The dude was not only a great punter, but he was one of the best tacklers on the return coverage squad. READ MORE

-> Using "DC" as a verb. To DC an argument is to make an controversial statement, back it up with facts, have those facts shown to be horribly taken out of context, and, finally, reiterate your argument using different facts and/or by changing the argument so that it no longer depends on said facts. Basically it's just your run of the mill internet trolling. Named after user dcwilson40. If you are talking with someone who begins to "DC" the facts, just move on.

-> Denying Pussy Touchdowns. Yes, you read that correctly. Stemming from this comment which as far as we know was autocorrect gone amok. The rest is history.

-> Tight End jokes. This has evolved over the years. Initially, it was because our Oline coach just recruited tight ends and then moved them to different positions on the line. Then we've had a ton of recruited QBs get moved to TE (Boone, Hodges, Durkin, come to mind off the top of my head). And on top of that, our starting QB for 3 years was actually recruited as a TE (that would be Logan Thomas, in case you weren't sure). Ergo, every QB is a potential future TE. Every TE is a potential future lineman. Actually, pretty much any joke involving the position is sure to get a couple legs.

-> MsSusieCue. Occasionally you will see MsSusieCue pop up to put French in his place. This is rises above normal internet trolling because this particular user happens to be married to him.

-> Get After Ya. CFB Coach speak. DLine does well in practice? "Those Ends will really get after ya." Getting ready to play the defending national champs? "Saban's boy's will really get after ya." Just get beat by Duke for the first time since de-segregation? "Well, you know, those blue devils, they can really get after ya." If Frank can use it ubiquitously, so can we.

-> #Marinades. First they were #sources. Then #sauces. Then Frank went and did this.

-> She's well qualified. When Danielle Bartelstein was hired as Director of Football Operations, the very first comment was "She bae." And a veritable shitstorm erupted about respecting women, not being PC, etc etc etc. So now, it is very important to make sure the only comment you make about an attractive woman is that she is very qualified. And don't you forget it.

-> Car Puns. On occasion, you'll see a thread devolve into a string of car name puns. It was bound to happen when you spend 3 decades with a coach named "Beamer" and currently have a star WR named "Ford." Just roll with it.

-> YOU! by Mike London. Virginia Coach Mike London sent this letter as a scholarship offer. And people wonder why no one ever took him serious. This is also the origin of calling him "Coach Fondue" because apparently that's how he signs his missives.

-> TimeCop. Another name for our beloved former coach up the road (Mike London). He used to be a cop. Given that he had a non-existent coaching record, this was harped upon ad nauseum by commentators because they just needed something to talk about. He also used timeouts in a non-traditional manner. Specifically, letting the clock run down against Tech so we could kick a winning field goal with 4 seconds left on the clock. Oh, but he did call two timeouts to try to ice our kicker...for a 29 yard field goal that my 5 year old son could put in.

-> LOLUVa. This is how we refer to the University of Virginia. It's because when they try to pretend to have a football team, it makes you LOL.

-> Pie vs. Cake (and I guess other desserts). This is sure to go down in history as one of the more passionate, violent debates. It's right up there with Atheism vs Christianity, liberal vs. conservative, dog vs cat. With counselling, we have found a way to move forward as a community, but, on occasion, this topic comes back up. Pick a side and know there will be a reckoning...

-> Pls. A variant of the puss-in-boots meme, used to appeal to recruits to pick Tech. It quickly became a jinx. "[Recruits Name] PLS" pretty much guaranteed that the recruit would commit elsewhere. It began with the recruitment of graduate transfer running back, Tavien Feaster

-> Mama Fuller. Four brothers all played for Tech and were fantastic. We can never thank Mama Fuller enough for raising Vinny, Corey, Kyle, and Kendall so well and making sure they made good college choices.

-> Mama Giraffe. Heather Dinich used to cover the ACC blog beat for ESPN. In her blog videos she would choose very unfortunate angles that accented the length of her neck. Also, she hated on Tech like it was her job (which it was) even during some of our more dominant years.

-> Exumatur: explained here. Honestly, I don't get it, but it's a thing.

-> #Whitness. Basically, in Whit Babcock we trust.

-> It was a catch. Danny Coale had a game winning TD overturned against Michigan because refs reviewed this totally controlled catch and said it was an incompletion. No one knows what happened from there, but it did result in a rule change to keep this from happening again.

-> Danny Coale is Open. No, it's not a reflection on whether or not he's covered. The fact is, Danny put a lot of work into becoming one of the best route runners ever to play wide-out for Tech. If he's on the field, he's open. So, the word "open" is an acceptable replacement for "Danny Coale" and vice versa.

-> 3rd and 31. Just watch this.

-> The block heard around the world Link. Wayne Ward throws a killer block against WVU. The victim almost makes it out of the psych ward every year, but then he sees the word "Ward" on the door and it sends him back into fits.

-> Miami is Bak. Miami football used to be a big deal. But since joining the ACC, they have yet to even make a ACC championship game. To their credit, their first year the would have been co-champions with yours truly had they pulled off a win against us. But they didn't, thus sealing their decade's long position as the team to do the least with the most. It doesn't stop commentators from filling our heads every summer with "This is the year miami is back!"

-> Abbreviations: CFB=Coach Frank Beamer. CJF=Coach Justin Fuente, CBF= Coach Bud Foster, CPJ=Coach Paul Johnson (GT), RMFW=Ryan Williams, LT3=Logan Thomas, MV7=Michael Vick, not to be confused with MV5=Marcus Vick. NSFW=Not Safe For Work.

-> Thoroughbreds. LOLUVa coach Mike London had some shady dealing with 7v7 camps in the tidewater area. The coaches running these camps would funnel 4/5 star talent (Thoroughbreds) to LOLUVa where they would promptly underperform and transfer to an FCS school or waste 4 years losing to Tech. It remains to be seen if this continues through the Bronco regime. Kinda seems like a logical progression though...

-> "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - RIP kennyhokie. A cautionary tale about choosing your post titles wisely and making sure that any post actually has some content. This post was orginially titled "Huge news!!!"

-> Zima. God awful drink that Wahoos love, bra.

-> "NO TWEEDY, IT'S WHIP!" Cornell Brown once yelled this at Alonzo Tweedy. No, seriously, that's all we know. It just became a thing. Use liberally. Video here

-> Marcus Davis does not block. Claimed by many sites, a compilation was put together of some of the most lackluster blocking ever performed by our very own "freak of athleticism" Marcus Davis. Link here.

-> "Out of whack." Normally even keeled and overflowing with coach-speak, Coach Frank Beamer was pushed to the point of losing it on a caller named Jason from Arlington who was calling him to task on letting Bryan Stinespring's offense drag the program down.

-> Chopping Wood. Former WR coach and recruiting phenom Aaron Moorehead coined this phrase to mean doing the work necessary to land prized recruits. I prefer this version

-> Fully Dipped in Dork Magic. There are some who say this was an autocorrect blunder mauling the sentence "He needs to hit full speed before he gets to work his magic." Those people are dumb. This phrase has no beginning and it will have no end. It simply exists.

-> Cartoons Plural:

-> GIF. Short for "Graphical Interchange Format", pronounced like "gift" without the T.⁶ This is why we are all here. Any site can use words. Some of the better sites will use pictures. We use pictures...that move. Say it with GIFs.

-> /s (sarcastica). Used to denote sarcasm. Before you respond to a ridiculous comment, check again for this little tag and save yourself the ridicule.

-> TECHmo Bowl. Annual VT-GT game to determine who is the real Tech. Given that they use an offense from the 1940s and we're inventing the gorram future, I don't even know why we still need to determine this.

-> Drew Harris. A highly touted running back recruited back in the day. First he qualified, then he didn't. Then he planned on coming back to Tech after prepping. Then after JUCO. Etc etc etc. When Drew is in some nursing home somewhere, I hope we'll still be joking about how he'll play as soon as he finishes qualifying.

-> #GOACC. The ACC makes really bad decisions, like locking themselves into a crappy contract with Raycomm while everyone else is signing lucrative deals with ESPN. Or expanding by inviting perennial football powerhouses like Syracuse and BC. Or this.

-> Lawson Transfers. Dwayne Lawson was a highly touted QB recruit who decommitted from Miami when it was clear that their freshman starter QB was the next big thing under center. Scot Loeffler convinced him to come to tech possibly by hiring his HS coach to a made up position, which was completely as sketchy as it sounds. Instead of redshirting him, he was put in to attempt 9 passes in his entire freshman campaign. Then the offensive staff that recruited him was canned and the new staff brought in a highly touted transfer. Any time a new QB was recruited or Lawson was passed up by someone with less hype, someone would ask if they thought he would transfer, given the assumption that he bailed on Miami due to competition. Then he did and we're still making the joke. 'Cause that's what we do.

-> Fuck Matt Ryan. When we hosted BC in 2007, it was an ugly game. The only good thing was that we were up 10-0 with 2:11 left in the game. Then, somehow.⁷ Matty Ice led the eagles on two scoring drives to win the game 14-10. We had our revenge in the ACCCG later that season, but no one who watched this game in the freezing rain will ever forgive Matt Ryan.

-> Boxing Glove on a Stick. Yep, you read that right. Our favorite former long snapper and coach's offspring, Shane Beamer, decided that the best way to work on ball security was to run drills where he would try to knock the ball out with a boxing glove on a stick. As novel an idea as this was, our fumble numbers during his reign as RB coach were not improved.

-> It's pronounced "Kevin." Don't ask how to pronounce a name on TKP. This is the response you'll get. At first it's annoying until you get the chance to drop it on some unsuspecting newcomer. Then it's hilarious. Back story here.

-> Rich Rod for HC. Before securing future coaching hall of famer Justin Fuente, Rich Rodriguez's name came up as a possibility. This upset a certain resident inferno combatting member of our community so much that he just started posting this gif whenever anyone would even mention his name. We are not even sure if Hokie Fireman is still on the site or if Joe just wrote a script to parse our comments and auto-post the gif in response to he who shall not be named.

-> More [X] Than Fans at LOLUVa's Spring Game. Due to several years of lackluster fan attendance, we can reliably treat the number of fans at the spring game as zero. The culmination of this was the year Bronco Mendenhall just straight up canceled the spring game in favor of a "football festival" instead. No football was played, but that's typical for any LOLUVa gathering in Scott Stadium.

-> 38-0, bro. One year we skunked LOLUVa 38-0. Later, a troll on twitter claimed Tech always loses. LT3 simply responds with "38-0, bro."

-> Bad LOLUVa photoshop. LOLUVa published a poster with fans photoshopped into the stands to make them seem sold out. Silly wahoos, everyone knows the only way to sell out Scott Stadium is to host the Hokies.

-> Who is Dragon? Our very own resident Stinespring critic had Travon (McMillian, RB) auto-corrected to "Dragon" and it was such a great idea for a nickname that we made it stick. Source Link.

->Bendering Link Hijacking a thread to ramble about nothing. So named because of a certain member's tirade about what the definition of is is. See also ShockWave.

->Seth Dooley Fucks Link Our very own ChoppinWood SevenLayersofPlayers had a run in with Seth Dooley downtown while fairly intoxicated. Thankfully, he had the wherewithal to relay the conversation to us. This is the kind of cutting edge inside information you can find on TKP...

-> Emma GIFs. What do you get when you combine a weird fascination with Hermione Granger and a wealth of internet reaction gifs featuring her? You get TKP's obsession with Emma Watson GIFs. Use them liberally, but please, keep it safe for work.

-> Jreynolds06. Do not argue with this user about anything concerning locker room attitude, defensive backs, or especially a player that goes by the name "Mook." He will be right. You will be wrong. Just don't do it.

__________________________________________________________________________

¹Ok, it was my boss, not the HR manager.
²Absolutely none of this is true.
³It's me.
⁴Or you will have left for an inferior site because you couldn't take all the running gags even though this is your best chance at good, hokie football centered content outside of grabbing a few beers with Fuente and Foster.
⁵Actually, if it's not on here, it's because it wasn't funny enough for me to remember, but as I'm not really the final word on what is and isn't funny/memorable, I guess you can add your unfunny crap below.

⁶Shut up, you can all just shut up now. Don't you dare comment on that pronunciation.
⁷Some theories were a reversion to "prevent" defense, possible payoffs to throw the game, or, my favorite, a deal with the dark lord himself.