Halfwits and Wagers: It's a 'Duzzi

Raise your hand if whenever you've thought about Pitt this week, this guy popped into your head:

Everyone? Great. Believe it or not, he coaches a group of players who actually play the game. You wouldn't know it from his propensity to steal the spotlight, but hey, I suppose you've got to do what you've got to do to get people talking about Pitt football. I would just wear those beautiful throwback uniforms or grow a solid mustache, but to each his own. So let's delve into some lines, shall we? We promise to occasionally discuss people not named Pat.

On to the (fake) lines!

Over/Under 6.5 times Pat Narduzzi ventures out onto the field barking at someone without getting penalized

Brian: I really can't wait to see what happens with this line, because Narduzzi could vault himself into the most hated coach in Blacksburg if he plays his cards right. Last year's tantrums were so preciously meme-able, that the anger-filled head coach already did a great job getting on the fan base's bad side.

But should he act like an ass again, he can really take it to a whole new level. And the best part? It's totally in play!

If you think he got mad about jump balls thrown to Bucky Hodges and king of the subtle push Isaiah Ford, how do you think the Duzz will react to Eric Kumah fully extending both arms on the sideline? Because remember, the Hokies did not run the ball well last year. The entire game plan that threw Pissed Pat into a tizzy is still in play, which consists of throwing the ball deep and seeing what happens.

I'll still take the under, because of the new rules and the fact that he'd probably get flagged for being too excessive on the road. But the over is definitely in play.

Pierson: Last year's Virginia Tech win over Pittsburgh provided us with peak Narduzzi. Jump ball after jump ball after jump ball after jump ball led to an epic meltdown from the Pitt head coach, which was then followed by a salty press conference full of #AlternativeFacts that were clearly disproven by the video tape.

Nards, whose meltdown culminated with a headset spike in front of the head linesman, treated fans to a slow build akin to the intro to Enter Sandman. Would Tech fans love to see his eyes bug out of his head repeatedly on Saturday afternoon? Absolutely. But I can't help but feel like the Hokie offense is missing the requisite unstoppable skillset that defined last year's win. Virginia Tech's lack of deep threats and jump ball aficionados immediately limits the potential causative factors. Plus I can't see him blowing a gasket 7 or more times at his own team...actually, I can see him doing that...it is completely within his character. Realistically he would get ejected by the time he topped this line, but this is a fake gambling column so reality is only occasionally consulted. I'm going to say over, but barely. This is a line worth rooting for.

Over/Under 219.5 passing yards for Josh Jackson

Brian: Over. Pitt gives up 264 passing yards a game, and with the running game struggling, the Hokies will let Jackson do what he does best (which is throwing the ball a lot...right?).

I know there's a ton to be concerned about when it comes to the offense, but one thing that's cool to watch is the development of a few of the younger receivers. Yes, they struggle to get open down the field, especially against aggressive corners, but we've seen both Kumah and Sean Savoy come into their own as offensive threats. Given both their age and ability, it's exciting to think about what they can do as underneath threats while guys like Caleb Farley, Damon Hazelton, and whichever prospect can exploit the deep ball.

Getting back to the game, if anyone can reinvigorate the great season Cam Phillips had in September, it's this shaky Panther defense. And to be honest, it seems like Jackson could use a confidence boost after taking beatings (on and off the field) over the last month. I bet he comes back in a big way on Saturday.

Pierson: Pittsburgh enters the game with the #111 passing defense in the country, surrendering 264.5 yards per game. They were absolutely torched by Mason Rudolph and his Okie State Cowboys early in the season, but they've had some decent performances in ACC play (versus NC State and UVa).

So we're all sitting around recalling last year's aerial assault via slow arcing fades, glancing at Pitt's passing defense and assuming this is a done deal. After Nards' meltdown last season, it would be a pretty solid troll job by Fuente to run the ball down Pitt's throats on Saturday. But — oh yeah, that's right — the Hokies rushing attack has been largely suboptimal and the Pitt rushing defense is a strength (#48), compared to their piss poor pass defense. And believe it or not, the Hokies passing attack hasn't topped this number since their win over Boston College.

I'll take the over because (SPOILER ALERT!) I think that the Hokies win this game, and the logical path to victory is with a solid passing attack paired with a decent rushing performance.

Which tandem finishes with more receiving yards: Cam Phillips and Sean Savoy or Pitt wideouts Rafael Araujo-Lopes and Jester Weah

Brian: Phillips and Savoy seem like a no-brainer to me for a few reasons. For one, they're the top two weapons in an attack that I assume will throw a lot of passes, so in terms of volume, they're the smart play. But on the flip side, I'm not convinced that the Panthers will throw a ton, especially if Adonis Alexander is back healthy.

Remember, last year Nathan Peterman only threw 22 times. James Conner did most of the damage, as he'd done to Tech on multiple occasions, with Peterman only acting like an accessory to the primary attack. I don't think things'll be much different in 2017.

Darrin Hall will get a bunch of carries for an offense that seems to have a decent understanding on how to attack Bud Foster's defense. And you know what scares me even more? New quarterback Ben Dinucci scampering Chad Voytik-style for over 100 yards.

Pierson: Think back to all of the infuriating Tech performances you've watched versus Pitt over the years. What runs through your mind? Sure, there was the Rod Rutherford aerial attack in 2003. But outside of that anomaly, it's visions of bruising tailbacks, jet sweeps and long runs by seemingly unathletic quarterbacks.

The last time Pitt beat the Hokies and passed for more yards then they rushed, it was the abysmal 2012 nooner at Heinz Field where Ray Graham and Rushel Shell were the story but Tino Sunseri — TINO SUNSERI?! — passed for 283 yards thanks to some backbreaking chunk plays. Ben DiNucci is fine and all, but he has yet to top 170 yards since Max Browne was lost for the season.

Eric Kumah has emerged in recent weeks as a viable third option for Josh Jackson, but Phillips and Savoy are his main dudes. Tech has a distinct matchup advantage in this category, so I'm taking the pair in orange and maroon.

Who finishes with more Tackles for Loss: Tim Settle or Pitt LB Oluwaseun Idowu

Brian: I've made a decision. No matter how many times he ends up in a line in this column over the course of his career, I will never pick against big Tim. If this line said "who has more touchdowns, Tim Settle or Josh Jackson" I'll still pick Timmy.

Why not? How can you pick against that loveable, 330-pound monster? And if anyone deserves a nice day after Georgia Tech, it's Settle and Ricky Walker, because as French so eloquently put it: "they got clobbered and still delivered."

Pierson: Brian said it perfectly. Plus, you don't bet against a guy with such a great celebratory dance. It is perfection.

Which number is higher: Touchbacks or Made Field Goals by Joey Slye

Brian: Who the hell knows, man. Everything I know about this team is a lie. First the offense starts having problems moving the ball (something we all hoped was in the past after the Fuente hire), then a Georgia Tech quarterback hits not one but two bombs for scores against Bud's defense. And now Slye is dealing with a hamstring issue and can't even reach the end zone on kickoffs?

But also, I'm completely shaken in Fuente's ability as a decision maker. He passed up an easy field goal (which has been talked about to death) in Atlanta, and who knows if he'll double down and do the same thing again this week.

If we assume Slye's injury issues are behind him, I'll take touchbacks. Because at the very least, we know he'll get to kickoff once.

Pierson: Word on the street is Slye's been nursing a leg injury for a few weeks. It may or may not have been the reason why the Hokies attempted the ill fated first quarter 4th-and-2 play with A.J. Bush last week (my gut says, "no"). It likely has something to do with the decline in touchbacks over the last three weeks.

Slye hasn't always been the most accurate place kicker from distance, but he will be forever remembered for his ability to boom the ball into the end zone bleachers at will. When the touchbacks began to dry up, I initially assumed it was a strategic move by Shibest; however, the kick return defense hasn't exactly bottled up opposing returners, and Slye's kicks haven't exactly had a lot of air under them. Similarly, Slye's field goal accuracy has been scattershot this season, regardless of distance.

Should fans expect to see more 4th down conversion attempts in lieu of Joey Slye field goal attempts? I doubt it. There may have been some contradictory statements about last week's loss from the coaching staff, but I feel pretty confident that the 4th down tries had more to do with seeking a touchdown and less to do with Slye's health or consistency. Slye's bum leg may have zapped a little bit of his power, but I expect him to get a couple of makeable field goal looks. I'll take Slye and the field goals.

Matchup Over/Under: 51

Brian: What makes me uncomfortable isn't how poorly the offense has looked in the last two games, but how defeated Fuente has seemed about it. Speaking of which, why aren't we talking more about the A.J. Bush sightings? After committing to one guy for nine games, Fuente and Cornelsen decide to randomly pull him in running situations? Haven't we all learned how hard that is on a starting quarterback you're supposed to rely on? Remember, the last time we saw Tech bring in a backup quarterback to "open up the offense," the Hokies failed to score a point in regulation.

I'm going to say over, only because I don't trust the Tech defense to play up to its previously held standards with Terrell Edmunds out. And though I don't feel great about the Hokie attack, they are playing a defense that gave up 34 points to North Carolina last week.

Pierson: I'm taking the under. After the last two weeks, how would you expect the Hokies to contribute to hitting the over, here? The offense has really struggled to finish drives and Josh Jackson looks like a shell of his early season self. Scheme certainly has something to do with it, and I will be interested to see: (A) How supposed defensive wiz Pat Narduzzi attacks the Tech offense; and (B) what adjustments CornFu make in anticipation for Nards' game plan.

Last year played out perfectly for the Hokies, and Isaiah Ford and Bucky Hodges' ability to consistently win one-on-one matchups felt like a cheat code. That cheat code really doesn't exist this season for Tech, so it will be interesting to watch how the staff presses Narduzzi's buttons attacks the Panther defense this time around.

My gut tells me to worry like hell about how the defense looks without Terrell Edmunds captaining the backfield. Maybe the defense is better off with a healthy Khalil Ladler and/or Mook Reynolds than a gimpy Terrell Edmunds. But losing that experience could be critical and lead to defensive breakdowns. I think that both the offense and defense will be playing with a chip on their shoulders after last week's loss in Atlanta. I'm not expecting offensive fireworks or defensive perfection, but I do think we will see a better performance than we've been treated to recently.

Spread: Virginia Tech (-15.5)

Brian: Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Are you kidding?

The only way I'd willingly pick them to cover two touchdowns is if it was two in the morning and I was stumbling out of a Richmond area bar filled with liquid confidence. I think there's one important thing to note: Tech really may win by 28. It's in the cards. Pitt lost to a UNC team who Tech eviscerated, and haven't looked good outside of their win over UVA.

And I'm not picking the Panthers to win. But to just assume that the Hokies come in and trounce Pitt after sleepwalking through the last two weeks is arrogant, bordering on irrational.

I'll take Tech 24-17.

Pierson: Pitt may be in the midst of one of the more enjoyable year-over-year declines, but every Virginia Tech fan knows that #PittHappens. It doesn't matter if Pitt is good or bad. It doesn't matter if Tech is good or mediocre. It doesn't matter if the game is being played in Lane or Heinz. It doesn't matter if it is sunny or rainy. All that matters is that Pitt has Tech's number and even they don't know how they discovered such a treasured trait.

It has spanned multiple decades and coaches; "offensive gurus", "defensive gurus", and multiple coaches with stupid glasses and derpy faces. They've all figured out ways to disrupt the force, only to go back to their mediocre-to-bad ways the following week.

At first blush, this number seems about right. Tech is considerably better than Pitt. But then you think a little about the Hokies' recent struggles on both sides of the football. The Hokie offense looks rattled; the defense has struggled to limit big plays. Despite their records, I don't feel confident that the Hokies will win by more than two touchdowns. When it comes to Pitt, I am forever jaded. There are just too many bad memories. I'll take Pitt (+15.5).

Disclaimer: Some of these are real betting lines, but many of them are fake and none of this is real advice that should be taken seriously.